There’s a quiet kind of pain that doesn’t always get talked about—the pain of what never happened. The love you didn’t receive. The comfort you needed but never got. The childhood safety that should’ve been there but wasn’t. The support, the validation, the protection, the affection—you might have needed those things so badly, and they just weren’t given.
Sometimes people will tell you to “move on” or “stop living in the past.” But grief isn’t about staying stuck. It’s about telling the truth. And the truth is: you were missing something you needed. That matters.
You’re allowed to hurt over things that happened. And you’re allowed to hurt over things that didn’t.
Maybe your parents weren’t safe. Maybe your ex didn’t love you well. Maybe nobody noticed when you were drowning. Maybe you spent years believing you had to be strong, invisible, or quiet just to survive. That’s not something you just “get over.” It’s something you’re allowed to mourn.
Grieving doesn’t mean blaming. It means honouring your reality. It means giving space to that younger version of you—the one who sat quietly in pain and wished for someone to see. When you say, “That wasn’t okay,” you’re not being dramatic. You’re being honest.
And honesty is the beginning of healing.
You don’t have to perform strength today. You don’t have to pretend it didn’t matter. You can cry. You can write a letter to the version of yourself who never got what she needed. You can whisper to her, “You deserved more. And I see you now.”
Grief is not weakness. It’s love—for yourself.
And you are allowed to feel it. Every single bit.